Language of Love
by Kitty Howell
Summary: Spock doesn't always know what to say. Sometimes he needs a little help.


_(A/N) Hello, everyone! I don't usually put author's notes on top, but this story is special. It's my first Star Trek story! It is also the longest thing I have ever written. I pray you do not give up on it halfway through, as I think it's brilliant._

_Before, I tried to keep as many author's notes out as possible as this thing is SUPER LONG. Apparently I can't get away with it. I realized in research for another story that I had actually spelled some names wrong, but have gone and fixed them. All of them. I hope, some of these names are tricky for me, lol. Oh, as a warning: Uhura is a bit OOC because she's bitter and jealous...Um, I think that's it! :D I hope you all enjoy it :D_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek_

* * *

><p><strong>Language of Love<strong>

It doesn't start out as a date, but somehow jumps from friendly outing to one rather quickly. The Enterprise has taken a beating from the Klingon's and Scotty needs the ship to land before he can finish any of the repairs, forcing the crew to land on Andoria. Jim thinks it's the perfect time to go exploring, saying they never get to take the time to do so there. Spock opens his mouth to protest - the Andorians are a warrior race by heart, after all -, it is not unheard of for individuals to attack others when tempers rise, despite being founding members of the Federation.

Jim merely flashes his big, puppy dog eyes and Spock instantly closes his mouth, green creeping at the tips of his ears. The Junior officers all refuse to leave the ship, coming up with various excuses to stay aboard. Jim's ready to make it a direct order when Spock's hand finds it's way onto his shoulder. Instead Jim just roles his eyes and tells everyone who's coming off board to follow him. When no one moves, his jaw drops. "Really? No one wants to come with me?"

"Pavel and I already made plans together," Sulu explains, "we're sorry, Captain."

Jim just sighs and turns to Bones and Uhura, his eyes wide, silently asking them if they were coming. "Don't even look at me, Jim!" Bones screams, "I have ten people in sickbay, my nurse included!"

"And don't look at me." Uhura says, eyeing him, "I'm not leaving the Junior officers alone with these guys."

"...You don't think it's a good idea to leave them with me!"

"Exactly," She says, turning on her heel and leaving for her coders. The others all follow. Jim can hear Sulu and Chovex laughing together, while Bones scolds them for something they said.

"Well..." Jim starts, looking at Spock, "would you like to play chess?"

The Vulcan looks confused, "Forgive me, Captain, but I thought you wished to explore the planet?" Jim's eyes widen suddenly, and Spock fears he said something wrong. But then his Captain smiles and he feels himself relax a little under the look he's giving him. "Do you still wish to?"

It has only been six months after the Nero events. Many things have changed since then, including Spock and Jim's relationship. At the Academy they didn't see eye to eye, but that didn't stop Jim from accepting Spock's offer to being his first officer. They make a great team, and Jim wants the Enterprise to be the best Starfleet has. Their relationship soon went from purely professional to friendship. They spent countless hours playing chess, and had spent time together outside the ship, though, at the time Jim had used the excuse that everyone was going and therefore, Spock had to as well. "You don't mind it being just the two of us?"

"Not at all, Captain," Spock says, despite having previously wanted to meditate. He doesn't want Jim to be upset, "In fact, I would very much like for the two of us to spend time together."

"We could always just play chess." Jim suggests, not entirely convinced that Spock actually wants to leave the ship.

"Negative, Captain," Spock says as he clasps his hands behind his back, "You're original statement is correct. We never get to explore this planet."

"We're leaving the ship, Spock, please, call me Jim."

The two decide to go out and get something to eat. Jim is starving and Spock thinks it will be a good experience to try the food there once again. They choose a restaurant close to the ship and do their best not to draw too much attention to themselves. Before landing, they had called and asked the Chancellor if it was okay to land. The Chancellor had alerted his people of the visit, but it did little to actually prepare them. Jim can't blame them. The race there has blue skin, while both he and Spock have more of a peach color. The difference in appearance is enough to make anyone want to stare. Jim is having a hard time stopping himself. He instead keeps his eyes focused on Spock, watching as his crush arranges the stuff on the table in a more organized fashion.

"So what happened," Jim suddenly asks, and then curses himself mentally. He's been avoiding that for months, he hadn't meant to ask, despite how curious he is.

"What do you mean?"

"...Between you and Uhura," Jim explains, "You guys...broke up, didn't you?"

Spock nods once, short and to the point, "Yes, Uhura and I decided that it would be best to end our relationship."

"Why," Jim whispers, "I mean, if you don't mind me asking." The break up had come as a shock to some but others had expected it. Jim had been hoping for it secretly, but had not done anything to cause it himself. Rumors have been going around the ship that they had broken up because Spock wasn't emotional enough for Uhura, who loves to draw reactions out of people. Others say that Spock caught her with one of the Junior officers. None of the rumors have been proven, and neither Spock nor Uhura will speak of what happened. One day they were together and then they weren't. Almost as if they had never been together at all.

"You may," Spock nods once more, "I ended my relationship with Uhura because..." At this, he looks down at Jim's hands placed in front of him on the table. He wants to reach out and grab one, but falls short. The tips of their fingers were nearly touching "...you do not continue to be with someone when you have feelings for someone else." Jim's eyes lite up and Spock almost tells him that Jim is who he's talking about, but he thinks his Captain has understood.

They finish their food and head back to the ship. It is dark now, both knowing that everyone has probably retired for the day. Jim grabs Spock's hand as they beam back up to the ship.

Spock lets him.

...

His blue eyes seem paler than usual, Spock observes. The First Officer will not admit it, not even to himself, but he's paying more attention to the pale irises than the chess game in between himself and the Captain. There is something amiss in them, something that he cannot place his finger on. It troubles him. So much, that he misses the opening in the game, Jim taking the advantage to capture his King and end their second game for the night.

Instead of Jim's usual boasting, he remains silent, just like he had after winning the first game. Spock wishes to ask him what is the matter, but Jim just smiles at him when he opens his mouth. The grin doesn't reach his eyes and he realizes that Jim is avoiding talking to him. There is a stab near his heart, and he instinctively grabs his side, not sure what to make of the feeling. He's never felt anything quite like it before. He doesn't wish for his Jim to avoid talking to him, to be saddened by something.

If Jim will not tell him what is wrong, the next logical thing to do would be figure it out himself. As far as Spock can figure, there is nothing that should have been bothering Jim. There is no problems with the ship or their current mission. They haven't lost any crew members during the Klingon battle a couple weeks earlier, and had escaped after making a fatal blow to their ship. The fact that Jim seems sad makes Spock feel rather upset himself, not only because he cares for Jim, but because of their new found relationship. He thought that he would be happy now that things had started between them. _Perhaps_, he thinks,_ I had been wrong._

"What are we, Spock? What do we call each other," Jim suddenly asks, and Spock can tell by the look in his eyes that this is what has been on the Captain's mind.

"What do you mean, Captain?"

Jim sighs, "Are we seeing each other? Are we dating? Are we bonded," Jim asks, his voice a notch too low to be considered desperation, "You have to tell me because I don't know."

Spock is silent. He wants to answer Jim, he just doesn't know how. He isn't sure what they are. Uhura and him had gone on several dates before she brought up the question of what they were. Even then Spock had been unsure of what to tell her. He does not understand the titles that humans put on their relationships. To Vulcan's, you are either together, or you aren't. After a moment, he opens his mouth to answer, but Jim stands up before he can get the chance.

"Whatever," Jim mumbles to himself before walking out the door. He doesn't look back and Spock doesn't know what to say to make him stay.

Jim ignores him for the next week, only speaking when it is necessary during the mission. When their shifts are over, he attaches himself to someone else so Spock cannot approach him. He stays in his room, and Spock fears that he 'broke the Captain's heart', as the human expression goes. Spock spends his spare time meditating and trying to determine the right course of action. Part of wishes to consult Uhura over the issue, but he has caused her enough pain as it was. He remembers then, that Uhura had celebrated month anniversaries with him. He had never seen the point, but she always had a smile on her face when she wished him a happy month anniversary.

Spock stands from meditation when an idea comes to mind. Tomorrow would be their one month and to Spock it still is.

He has an idea. He just hopes the Captain understands.

...

When Jim comes to his station, he's lucky he sees the small vase and flower before he sits on it. The vase is clear, and only has a single flower in it. A rose; yellow, with red tips. Jim has worked in a flower shop before, when he was doing what he could to pay for the cost of the Academy and knows what the meaning of many flowers are. He meets the eyes of his First Officer and smiles. He gives a small nod because now he understands. It isn't a title, but maybe they don't need one.

Friendship, falling in love.

...

Spock can feel Jim twitching. His Captain's hand is shaking in his own, and no matter what he says the human cannot stop himself from doing so. He holds his hand tighter, whispering reassuring words into his ear as they wait for the Ambassador to join them. Jim feels so out of place, the room is elegantly decorated, a single piece costing more than anything he was ever used to in Iowa. He's afraid he'll destroy everything he touches, so he stands closer to his Vulcan love, almost hiding behind him.

"How are you going to tell him," Jim whispers suddenly, the small gust of wind against Spock's ears making him shiver slightly, "You never told me."

"I'm not," The Vulcan responds, turning slightly so he can pear into his love's eyes. There is a flash of something in Jim's eyes. A shimmer of relief the moment the word's leave his lips, but it is gone a second later, replaced by something akin to hurt. "You misunderstand, my Jim," Spock squeezes his hand reassuringly once more, "I shall not have to tell him anything. He will smell my scent on you and figure it out on his own."

Jim just nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. He isn't sure if that's a good thing or not. Sarek already dislikes him enough as it was, and now he was dating his son. Jim doesn't want to upset the Ambassador. He knows that his and Spock's relationship had been rocky in the past but they managed to work through it after sometime. He fears he will cause another drift between them. He selfishly hopes that Spock will choose him if necessary, but doesn't at all expect it. He knows it isn't right, but he can't help himself. He doesn't want to lose Spock, especially not when he just got him. Not when he loves him as much as he does.

"Son," A voice suddenly says from behind them, startling Jim, "This is a... pleasant surprise."

Spock, unfazed by the sudden appearance, turns to his father and bows slightly, but does not let go of Jim's hand. The blonde sees the Ambassador's eyes drift from his son to him and then back again. He wants to ask what Jim is doing there, Jim can tell, but then his nostrils flare for a second and his eyes narrow. Jim's heart jumps from his chest into his throat and he suddenly can't breath.

"Son," Sarek speaks again, his voice questioning. He turns to Jim, "Captain Kirk...will you please leave me and my son to talk?"

"Of course," Jim chokes out as he lets go of Spock's hand. The Vulcan just grips his hand tighter, pulling him just a little closer.

"No, father," Spock disagrees, "I would very much like for my Jim to stay by my side."

"Son," Sarek tries again, a little anger seeping through his usual emotionless facade, "I think it wise for us to speak alone."

"It's fine," Jim whispers to Spock. It takes a second longer for Spock to let go of his hand, but when he does, he gives Jim an apologetic look. Jim just smiles back, though it does not reach his eyes, which are again very pale. He leaves as quickly as he possibly can, but doesn't linger far. He can no longer see the two Vulcan's, but he can hear everything that they say.

"I don't understand," Sarek speaks first, "I don't understand how you can open yourself to him."

"You yourself choice a human mate, father. My mother, if you remember." Spock's voice is emotionless and it breaks Jim's heart.

"That is not what I meant," Sarek tells him, "You are quite aware of that."

"My apologies, father," Spock's hands are clasped behind his back. Jim can't see him but he can tell they are by the tone of his voice. "I do not know what you mean."

"You choose a life with another man. A relationship that can bare no children," Sarek explains, "Have you forgotten that your race is in desperate need of repopulating?"

"I have not forgotten of our troubles," Spock tells him, "and I fear that the logical thing in the situation...is not the one that I choose, father. It is not right for me."

"You can't be serious, Spock," Sarek steps closer to him, Jim can hear his footsteps echoing. There is pain behind his eyes, but he forces any tears back. He never wanted them to fight. "Let this be like your relationship with that Uhura woman. Short and casual," He turns around to walk away. He had planned to have dinner with his son, but now he doesn't wish to look at him. Not until his son sees the error of his way.

"My apologies, father, but, Jim isn't going anywhere."

His father pauses but doesn't say anything. He continues walking until he is out of Spock's sight without turning around. Spock feels his heart drop at that. He doesn't wish to choose between his father and his Jim, but he will if he has to. He is surprised and horrified to find Jim on the other side of the wall, having heard everything that was said. Jim hugs him, and no longer able to contain his sadness, soaks the shoulder of the Vulcan's blue shirt. Spock tries to sooth his tears, whisper that everything is alright but Jim continues to cry.

...

On their two month anniversary, Jim still isn't feeling better about telling Sarek of their relationship. He understands how the Ambassador feels and part of him feels guilty. Another wonders if their relationship will be like Spock's and Uhura's, if Spock will listen to his father.

When Jim reaches his chair, he smiles, the first smile that reaches his eyes since meeting with the Ambassador. Two roses, one red and one white, with their stems entwined together.

Unity, a couple is serious about their relationship.

...

A moan escapes Jim's lips as Spock bites down on his neck. The Vulcan runs a hand down the other's chest, soft and light, but it leaves Jim breathless and feeling hot. He allows Spock to gently push him back onto his bed, the officer straddling his waist. The dark haired male grinds his hips down, stilling Jim with his hands when the blonde tries to do the same. Jim can see the slight smirk on his face and if he weren't so turned on he'd be pissed.

Spock grinds his hips again before leaning down to kiss his Jim. The kiss is sweet and full of affection, but quickly turns dirty and desperate. Jim pulls at the bottom of Spock's blue shirt, yanking the shirt and black undershirt off in one simple motion. Spock leans back slightly, breathing deeply through his nose. Jim runs his hand down his chest, tangling them softly in the dark hair there. His finger tips linger on the happy trial for a second longer, before grasping at his belt and grinding his hips against the Vulcan's as payback.

The groan that escapes from his lips makes him smirk. His fingers play with the belt for a moment, not really trying to undo it, just seeing how long it'll take before the man above him snaps. It doesn't take as long as Jim thinks it would. Brown eyes narrow, darkening so much that Jim can no longer see any trace of the chocolate color. Spock grips his hand tightly, pulling it and the other above his head and holding them there by his wrist. He isn't using his full Vulcan strength. If Jim wants out of it he can easily pull himself free, but he doesn't want to.

Spock's hand undoes his belt, yanking it through the loops and throwing it across the room. He unbuttons his pants and slowly pulls down the zipper with his teeth. The sight makes Jim shiver. He tries to grind up, but Spock has a strong hold on his hip. Dark blue eyes met near black. "Don't move your hands," Spock warns, nearly growling. Jim shivers again and nods just as Spock slowly releases his hands. He pulls both his pants and boxers down in a single thrust, his hard on bouncing against his stomach as it's freed from it's confines.

Jim whimpers, wanting Spock to touch it but the Vulcan comes back up to kiss him. His lips leave a hot trail from his jaw line, down his neck and chest and to his stomach. Spock takes a moment to play with both of Jim's nipples and belly bottom, his tongue darting out and swirling over and in the surfaces. Jim groans, trying to grind his hips once again. "Spock...please," Jim whispers, begging, as the other man runs his tongue on the underside of him.

Spock smirks as he takes Jim's cock in his mouth, his lips curving around the hot appendage. He can feel it pulsing in his mouth as he sucks softly, earning a moan from his love. He pulls off until only the tip is in his mouth and then shoves down until his nose is rested into the Captain's soft curls. Jim, obviously not expecting the action, screams out, his breathing hitched. Spock does the same thing again, and then once more, before he decides to stop teasing him.

He alternates between bobbing his head and sucking, using his tongue to swirl around the shaft. The Vulcan keeps his hands firmly on Jim's hips but allows him to buck up into his mouth, the tip hitting the back of his throat. Jim moans out Spock's name, his hands coming from the spot above his head to tangle in his dark hair, pulling just soft of painful. "Oh, God, Spock...I'm gonna -,"

Jim whimpers as Spock pulls off. He's so close...All he can do is stare in Spock's eyes, breathing deeply. Spock takes the rest of his clothes off, breathing a sigh as his own throbbing member is released. He separates Jim's legs with his knee, leaning all his weight on his one arm as he brings his other hand up to Jim's mouth. The blonde takes three of the digits in his mouth, sucking and coating them in as much saliva as he can. Spock pulls him out with a small pop before bringing his hand down to his love's entrance. He circles it twice with one of his fingers, teasing, before pushing his middle finger inside.

Jim grunts at the intrusion, but thrusts down slightly on instinct. Spock moves it around, curling it as he goes in further. Jim cries out slightly when his prostate is hit and grins. Spock pulls out, only to put two fingers in, scissoring his love to prepare him more. He adds the third finger and watches shamelessly as Jim thrusts down on his fingers. He takes them out suddenly, and Jim whimpers once more at the loss. Spock positions himself, kissing his human's lips before pressing in.

He starts slow, creating a steady rhythm. Jim's hands find the sheets, his fingers clenching and releasing the fabric. Jim's legs lift to wrap around Spock's body, creating a new angle. Spock hits his prostate more easily and begins to pick up his pace. Jim's nails dig into Spock's back accordingly with Spock's thrusts and his moans. Spock feels himself getting closer, so he reaches between them to finish Jim off. He strokes him according to his thrusts, hard and long.

Spock slides his hand into Jim's, pulling up so they're rested comfortably next to Jim's head. He opens his mind to him, allowing the tangling web of love, affection, and trust slide down so Jim can feel how he feels. He feels a warm, content feeling wash over him, as Jim's over flooding emotions fill his heart. "Jim..."

"Oh, Spock," Jim half screams as he cums, his seed spilling over both their stomachs.

Spock makes a final thrust, "Jim...my T'hy'la," he whispers in his ear as he kisses his neck, his own release taking over.

The two remain where they are for many moments, both breathing heavily. Spock finally pulls out, his member growing more and more soft now. He grips Jim's hips and pulls him closer.

"Spock," Jim whispers, looking up at the man.

"Hm, yes, T'hy'la?"

"Did...do you mean that," Jim asks, fearful that it was said in the heat of the moment. Spock never even called Uhura that.

Spock's even, calm breath is his only answer. Jim doesn't sleep that night. He showers and dresses before Spock wakes up and leaves for breakfast just as his love is awakening. Spock tries to talk to him, vaguely remembering the question that was asked, but Jim runs away.

...

Jim is expecting something on the day of their third month, but it still surprises him to find three pink roses with their stems entwined together waiting for him at his station.

"Please Believe Me," and passionate love everlasting.

...

"Jim, sweetie, when am I going to meet this boy you keep talking about," Winona asks, her hands on her hips. Jim rubs the back of his neck nervously, not entirely sure what to say. His relationship with his mother isn't the most stable, but he does want her to meet Spock. Still, telling Spock's father hadn't gone well, and he wasn't sure if Spock even wanted to meet her. He wasn't sure if Spock was ready for that, and was too nervous to ask him if he was.

"Soon, mom, I promise," He lies because it's easier that way. He doesn't have to explain to her why, doesn't need to tell her that he hasn't even mentioned the idea of meeting her to Spock.

"Well, what about this month," Winona says, clapping her hands together, "It's Christmas and you guys have shore leave! You're already coming, aren't you? Why don't you ask him to come too?"

"I don't know, mom," Jim says, once again rubbing the back of his neck, "I think he already has plans with his father." He lies through his teeth, but at least he lies well.

"Vulcan's don't celebrate Christmas, honey," Winona points out, her voice almost sounding as emotionless as a normal Vulcan's. He then remembers she took the same class he did.

"Oh, I know, mom," He continues with his lie, "but it is shore leave and they haven't seen each other in a while..."

Winona sighs, "Fine. fine...Just promise you guys will come visit me together...soon, young man. It's always Spock this and Spock that but I've never even gotten to talk to him! Where is he now?"

"He's working on some rock samples we took from our last mission. Maybe next time," He reassures her, though the almost promise is empty.

"Well...okay," She says, defeated, "I'll see you soon, alright? I love you!"

"Love you too, mom," He tells her, breathing a sigh of relief as the call ends.

He meets with Spock just outside his room, "Why, hello, Captain."

Jim rolls his eyes as they walk down the hall together, "How did the experiments go?"

"Very well," Spock answers, hands clasped behind his back, "The rocks powered can be used to clean and numb wounds, as it would turn out."

"Oh," Jim asks, acting interested. He was more interested in whether or not Spock had overheard the conversation with his mother. It appeared to him as if he's been standing outside for a while. "Have you alerted Bones?"

"I have," The Vulcan nods, "Captain...Jim," He says, signifying the end of talking about work, "I wish to...I would love to..."

"Love to what, Spock?" Jim asks, eyeing him warily.

"...Love if you would join me for a game of chess this afternoon." He feels ashamed of himself. He knows what he wanted to say, why hadn't he?

Jim smiles, though it does not reach his eyes, "I would be honored."

...

Just a week before their shore leave begins, their four month anniversary comes. Jim is not expecting anything, thinking that there is nothing for Spock to say. However, he finds four orange roses, placed beautifully in a clear vase at his station.

He'll have to tell Winona that Spock would be joining them for Christmas.

Enthusiastic.

...

"He's just using you, you know," Uhura says from her station, her voice echoing through the bridge.

"What," Kirk asks, turning his chair so he's facing her, "What are you talking about?"

"Spock," She explains further, "he's using you for his own human emotion experiments."

Jim stares at her a moment longer before laughing. He wants to leave, but shift is stating soon. How he and Uhura turned out to be the first two there he isn't at all sure. He eyes the door carefully, waiting for someone to come through.

"It's true," Uhura says, coming over to stand in front of him, "He did it to me, what makes you think you're any different?"

"Uhura," Jim starts slowly, "Spock did care for you, deeply. Trust me, I was jealous of how much he did. He just didn't love you like you deserved to be loved."

"Yea, well," She starts out just as slowly, "He doesn't love you as much as you deserve, either."

"And how would you know that?" He asks, getting very angry. She wouldn't know anything about their relationship, and how dare she say something so cruel to him!

She leans down until their face to face, "Because since when does Spock really have emotions? He's just testing waters, making experiments and seeing how humans really are."

"You're crazy," Jim mumbles, but can't stop himself from thinking about it. Spock does love to do experiments to better understand humans. He shakes his head. No, he would never do that to him. He loves him! "and I'd appreciate it if you kept your thoughts to yourself."

Uhura just shrugs. At that exact moment Spock appeared at the door, mouth open as if to say something. Finally, he says, "Uhura, Jim did not speak lies about yours and my relationship. Please do not speak lies about ours." He is silent for a moment, in which the three are joined on the bridge by their crew members.

"How iz everyone this morning," Chekov asks as he sits down, a smile on his face.

"Oh, peachy," Uhura says bitterly. Jim tries to focus on the tone. She's bitter and that's why she's being this way. Not because she's right, she couldn't be right...

He misses the look Spock gives him, silently begging him with his eyes to believe him.

...

Uhura gives Jim a nasty glare as he walks into the bridge on the fifth anniversary month, but he ignores it as he walks over to his station, apple in hand. He's curious as to see what message Spock has left for him this time. Five white roses stare back at him as he steps in front of his station. He grins up at Uhura, and Spock is happy to see that the smile reaches his bright blue eyes.

Pure and innocent.

...

Jim and Spock's relationship is nearing their sixth month mark. While Jim should be happy with that - and really, he is - he just can't help getting the idea that maybe their relationship shouldn't make that milestone. He loves Spock, wholeheartedly in a way he didn't deem himself possible. He wants nothing more than to he with him, curl up to him every night, kiss him every morning, and sneak those small glances at one another while they're on the bridge. He likes to believe that Spock feels the same way. He hasn't broken up with him and is still leaving him roses every month, so he considers that a good sign.

Still, there are so many things trying to keep them apart. The entire crew knows they are together, but Uhura and her friends are bitter about the relationship. It hasn't gotten in the way with work, but Jim fears that it very well could. Admiral Pike knows and is both understanding and supportive of their decisions, but no matter how happy he is for him, it is still against regulations. Both he and Spock are forced to jump through hoops everyday in order to prove that their relationship wouldn't get involved in how they conduct their work.

Really truly, though, it does. There is no denying that their relationship makes Jim make decisions based off of Spock's well being, or that he puts himself into more danger than usual just to make sure Spock would be okay. The Vulcan cannot deny that sometimes, he does the most illogical thing in order to save the Captain, risking himself everyday. Their relationship does control how they work, together and alone, but it does not interfere. They work best when trying to save one another. Their feelings have controled their actions long before their relationship started, and would continue if they were forced to be apart. Jim sees no problem, they work that way, but Starfleet might not be so understanding.

While Sarek is still angry over his son's decisions, both are still making an effort. Jim thinks it's a half - ass attempt, but there is nothing more he can ask of. Sarek will not change his mind about how he feels, and Spock cannot stop himself from loving Jim. The fact that Sarek refuses to understand this makes Spock angry, especially after he stands up to everyone who thought it was a mistake to marry his mother and bear a child with her. The relationship doesn't get any better when news of his father's remarriage reaches the Enterprise, along with the conception of Spock's brother or sister.

Spock is at first very upset, though he will not admit it to anyone besides his Jim. He feels as if his mother hadn't been gone long enough for his father to even consider remarrying someone, no matter how logical it would seem under the circumstances. He eventually calms down, there is nothing he can do. He will meet his new mother, as it is not only logical but right. He will keep an open mind and he will love his brother or sister. He admits to Jim he already does.

Jim is proud of him, and wishes desperately that he could give Spock a child. He would give anything to make things easier, to make them right. Because their six month is approaching, Jim is concerned that their excitement will be over. The Honeymoon phase, as humans had been known to call it, never lasted long for him in his previous relationships. A couple weeks, a month if he was lucky, but that was it. It is over five months now and Jim still feels as happy and as giddy as the first day. He wonders if Spock will be effected by the milestone. Vulcan's are not generally known for a sex drive, something that Jim quickly learned does not apply to Spock and himself. He wonders now if Spock will not be as driven as before.

Feeling like he is going insane, Jim decides to call Spock Prime while Spock is researching more materials from their latest mission. By the look on his face, he's surprised by the call, but is pleasantly pleased. "Jim," He says in a way much like his Spock does, "what can I do for you?"

Jim rubs his neck nervously, "I have...a question. About the future."

The older Spock lowers his eyes for just a moment, and then back again, "I'm afraid I might not be much help. The future is not set in stone."

"Are you saying that..." Jim points to Spock, "...he might not..."

"Yes," Spock confirms, "I'm saying that just because I ended up here, does not mean that he shall. In fact, I'm sure that he will remain in his own time. With you, forever."

"We were together?"

Spock smiles, "Yes. The two of us were very much in love. I still love you with all my being."

Jim suddenly feels a pang in his chest, "I must be going insane without you. Or am I...dead." He can'timagine a world without Spock.

Spock smiles slightly, "No, you were alive and well when I left. I imagine you still are, as our bond is still strong. You see," He pauses, "Vulcan's life span is generally over two hundred years. Even with Earth's advancing technology, that is decades of difference. Our bond, however, keeps you living." He pauses once more, "Do not fret, Jim. I shall be back home with you again one day, and it shall be like I never left. It will be like I never left. At least there."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know Spock," He says, "I am Spock. He knows what I did and now he can figure out what to do to change all of this. It will be as if time reversed." Jim can hear a voice was behind the older Spock, asking for help. Spock nods his head to the person before turning back to Jim. "I'm sorry, my Jim, but I must leave."

The screen clicks off before Jim can ask him to stay for another moment._ Time travel,_ he thinks,_ it's a superabundance of perplexing ideas._

...

Jim's eyes fill with silent tears as he reaches his station on their sixth month. Part of him is expecting something, while another part fears the roses would be dead, in order to end their relationship. Everyone is already on the bridge, all watching with silent eyes as he slowly approaches his chair. Waiting for him was a clear vase, six red roses inside.

Jim wants to turn and ask him how he knew, but they had agreed to keep their relationship professional while on duty and decides to save it for later.

Love and desire

...

Jim does not fit in. It isn't at all a surprise. Neither Jim nor Spock has deluded themselves in believing that they would make it through without any problems. Still, Jim feels worse than he did when they went to visit Sarek. There was only one Vulcan to deal with there, here there are too many to count. He does his best to keep his head down and be as invisible as possible, but he is James T. Kirk, after all. A chicken cannot suddenly fly because it wants to, just as Jim cannot become someone he is not.

Vulcan II booms better than anyone had expected. Spock Prime is involved in everything that happens, but allows others to take change as well. People make notes of things that are done, filing them away for future reference. Many of the Vulcan's have started new families. For a moment, Jim feels sick, remembering how Spock feels when it came to his father. The Captain pushes it down, reminding himself that he believes that things happen for a reason, people die for a reason. He has to, or sometimes the loss of his father becomes too much.

He sticks out from the Vulcan's compared to looks. Their all dark hair and dark eyes, stand straight at all times, keep their emotions and voices under control. His hair is golden, eyes blue, though pale, they still stick out. Holding himself completely straight becomes tiring after a time, and he slouches without really realizing it. When they first land, Spock Prime is there to welcome them. Jim is so happy to see him once again that he throws his arms around him in a tight embrace, his voice raising as he speaks.

Spock's eyes lower to the ground, but he smiles when Jim blushes at the looks their getting from the others around them. Jim smiles back, happy that Spock doesn't seem embarrassed by him, but he can feel it slipping with time, getting further and further away from his eyes until he's close to pouting. Jim is soon ready to go back to the ship, but Spock Prime has invited them personally to check out the status of the planet, and he will not disappoint just because he is uncomfortable. He is beyond happy that Sarek is on Earth for business.

A problem arises between two Vulcan's, something that apparently happens between the two often. The older Spock excuses himself, granting permission for the two to walk around and observe. Everywhere they go people stare, and soon Jim feels like the size of a pea.

"Spock," Jim asks quietly, gaining his love's attention, "can they also smell you on me?"

"They can," Spock nods.

Jim wonders if they share Sarek's beliefs, but does not voice his curiosity. He decides instead to focus on doing what he came to do. The people seem content, and Jim is happy for them. The destruction of Vulcan and Spock's mother was a sore spot for the young man, and for Jim as well. It is important to both of them for Vulcan II to succeed.

Spock suddenly stops, causing Jim to run into his back. He can feel the Vulcan tense and pears around him to see what he is looking at. There is a Vulcan family standing not far away from them, just having come out of a shop. Spock and the man are staring at each other, both their faces blank and cold. If the wife and child are confused they don't show it. The woman just tugs on the hand of her little one and walks away, leaving her husband.

"Seral," Spock regards, nodding his head towards the other Vulcan, "I had been unware that you had survived. I am pleased to see you are alive and well." He nods towards the retreating family, "Your wife and son?"

"Yes," The man says back, only a second of hesitation. His nostrils flare for a moment, and he takes a few steps towards them. He's so close now both Jim and Spock can touch him. Jim wants to step back, a sudden bad feeling spreading through his entire body. He stands his ground, knowing he can not show weakness. "I see that...you have found your life mate."

"I have," Spock nods towards Jim, "Jim, this is Seral, Seral, Jim. Jim, Seral and I...grew up together."

Jim can tell by the tone in his voice that it hadn't been pleasant growing up together. Still, Jim offers his hand. Seral gives him a blank look, and remembering, Jim lowers it, blushing as he bows slightly. He gives Spock an apologetic look, but the Vulcan's eyes are still on Seral.

"It's logical, really," Seral says, a slight smirk at the end of his lips, "That you would pick a human whore mate. Just like your mother was."

Jim doesn't know what happened. All he remembers is seeing red, a hot flash that crosses his vision, blinding him completely. The next thing he knows, Seral is on the ground, green blood flowing from his nose as he groans out in pain. Jim's hand is clenched and he realizes in horror that he punched him. But at the same time he's happy that he did it. He had insulted their relationship, insulted Spock, his mother...It was then he realizes that Spock's hands are wrapped around his chest, pulling him back so he can do no further harm. The happiness he feels drains, leaving only regret and sorrow. What had he done? Everyone is staring at them with blank expressions.

Later, as they beam back up to the ship, Jim keeps his head down and moves quickly to go back to his quarters. Spock follows close behind, obviously aware of how his Jim is feeling. "Jim," He calls out softly, taking a hold of his arm.

"I'm sorry," Jim says, and the sound alone breaks his Vulcan heart, "I didn't mean...I just...I got so angry and -,"

"It is okay, T'hy'la," He reassures, "I understand."

"No, it's not," Jim argues, gently pulling his arm away, "I'll never fit in there, and as long as you're with me, neither will you."

"Jim," Spock calls out again, but Jim doesn't turn around.

...

On their seventh month anniversary, Jim is feeling a little better, but not by much. He has contacted and apologized to Seral - even though he doesn't deserve it - and apologized over and over to Spock Prime for the scene that he caused. Seral did not accept his apology - surprise, surprise -, but both Spock and Spock Prime act as if there is nothing to apologize for. It doesn't make sense to him. He had caused a scene, showing everyone that he does not belong there, only furthering their already distaste for human emotions.

Seral deserves what he got, but Spock does not deserve the embarrassment, and for that he was sorry.

As the Captain walks onto the bridge, everyone is once again staring at him. He says hello to everyone, putting on his happy voice as he does so. His eyes brighten upon seeing his present. There are seven roses, a mix of yellow and white.

Harmony.

...

Jim does a lot for Spock. He brings him food whenever the Vulcan is too caught up in his work to leave the lab, he takes care of him when he's sick or injured, and even shot the temperature up by a couple of degrees in the Enterprise so he will be more comfortable without making everyone else too hot. He has Scotty rewire the controls in both their quarters so they can turn the heat up to his liking when they are alone. He defends him when people call him a robot, and puts his needs above his own at all times.

Jim is starting to feel like Spock doesn't appreciate him.

It isn't like Spock doesn't do things for him as well. He brings him food and takes care of him. He follows his orders and listens with great care even if the plan is illogical. He will wake up in the middle of the night, put on an extra sweater and turn the temperature down so Jim will be more comfortable while he sleeps.

Their relationship is no way one - sided. He just feels like Spock doesn't really appreciate everything he does.

He always says thank you when Jim does something, smile just a little, but Jim feels like it isn't enough. When Spock does something for Jim, the Captain expresses how much he means to him with his actions. He gets up and goes out of his way to kiss his first officer as he murmurs his thank you. He buys little gifts for him, things that the Vulcan finds - as he calls it - fascinating. Spock handled a situation on board so Jim could rest for another day after being injured, so the blonde goes and finds an old time rubric's cube, something Spock does not put down until he finishes it, two hours later.

Jim does nice things for everyone whenever he can, but he always looks for things he can do to make Spock's life easier. The Vulcan doesn't seem to understand, or really care. It frustrates him.

Currently, Jim's running around the ship like a chicken with his head cut off, doing what feels like everyone on the ship a favor to get what he wants. After their last mission, U.S.S Enterprise is suppose to be heading off for their next. In the exact opposite direction of Vulcan II. He's talking to the higher ups on moving the mission - a simple check up for a planet - back a week so Spock can attend the baby shower like ceremony for his baby brother. It has been two months since Spock has discovered the baby's soon - to - be existence, and five months since the baby has been conceived.

Spock's step mother, a woman by the name of T'Pasl, is throwing a party in preparation for her first child. Spock will not admit it, mostly because of their duties to Starfleet, but he wishes more than anything to go and be there in support of them, no matter his relationship with his father. The higher up agrees, finally, but at a price. He has a thing for Uhura, and wants a date with her next time they land on Earth. Jim almost agrees without consulting her, but knows that is crossing a line. He goes to find her, his tail between his legs.

She's still bitter over the break up and Spock's and Jim's relationship, but she does care for Spock. "Fine," She mumbles, annoyed, "but you have to do something for me."

"Ugh, what?"

"I like taking water baths, and my 'hot' isn't working. I called Scotty but he was busy. Get him to fix it and I'll go out with the guy."

Jim rolls his eyes, but makes his way to Scotty, "Scotty, I need a favor."

"Aye, what is it, Captain'," He asks, only glancing up for a moment. He's searching for something, and if Jim wasn't in such a hurry, he would ask if he could help.

"I need you to fix Uhura's hot water in her bathroom, so she'll go out with this dude, so we can go to Vulcan II."

"I'm sorry, Captain. No can do," He shakes his head, "Unless ya'want to do me a wee favor as well."

Jim feels his eyes roll, "What?"

"Bones got annoyed with me flirting with Nurse Chapel earlier," Scotty begins, "and he took all my tools! Even my spares! I can't fix the lass' shower without any tools!"

Jim groans and rushes to sickbay, where Bones is checking over a crew member's old injury. "Bones!"

"What?"

"Give me Scotty's tools! I need them! He needs them! Uhura needs them!"

Bones lifts an eyebrow, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Jim takes a deep breathe, "Sarek and T'Pasl are throwing a party for Spock's baby brother. He wants to go but can't cause we're going on a mission. I convinced the higher ups to move it back a week if the one can have a date with Uhura. She agreed, if Scotty fixes her shower. Scotty agreed if I can get his tools back! Now where did you put them?"

"Hold your damn horses," Bones scolds, annoyed, "I'm not giving them to you."

"What," Jim practically screams, "Why not?"

"I will," Bones continues, a smirk Jim can only describe as evil making it's way to his face, "if you let me hypo you."

Son of a bitch.

Spock better fucking love him for this!

It takes another twenty minutes to back track to where he starts, and they're half way to Vulcan II before Spock realizes what's going on. Jim expects something nice from him, but all he gets is a thank you and smile like always. Jim helps him shop for the party and even attends despite what happened last time he was on the planet. He's in a gloom mood the entire time, but Spock doesn't seem to notice. The party goes nicely, Spock's stepmother seems very happy with the outcome of it, and thanks both Spock and Jim for coming. Sarek does not speak to Jim, but he does acknowledge both his and his son's presence.

It isn't until they're walking back to their quarters on the ship does Spock notice something is wrong, "Jim, is something the matter?"

Jim forces himself to calm down a little, but he's still pissed, "You know, there is! I don't think you appreciate anything I do for you! Everyday I go out of my way for you and all I get is, "thank you," and a little tiny smile that might not even be there!"

"Jim, I -,"

"No, do you even know what I had to do to get us to Vulcan II? Not only did I have to call the higher ups and ask Scotty for a favor, I had to ask Uhura. Uhura! And, and, I had to let Bones hypo me!" Jim lets out a frustrated groan, turning on his heel and disappearing into his quarters.

...

Jim still does things for Spock, purposely going out of his way to do them. Spock smiles a little wider and kisses him whenever possible for it, but Jim still feels bad. On the day of their eighth month, Jim walks into the bridge and can see the flowers before he reaches his station. He looks up at Spock, the Vulcan's eyes protraying just how upset he is. Jim just smiles as he picks up the eight dark pink roses. All is forgiven.

Gratitude and respect.

...

Jim and Spock hasn't played chess in awhile. It is odd, as chess is something they did at least once a week, sometimes twice. Both have been busy the last couple of weeks, and when they have free time alone together, they are either making love or fighting. Jim is happy in his relationship with Spock, even when the two fight. He wouldn't give up Spock for anything in the world, not even if he was offered the whole world. He loves him with all his heart, mind, body, and soul.

He just wishes they still played chess. It is what helped to form their friendship and strengthen their bond. Talks over the chess board are how they got to know each other, really know each other. Jim misses that. He doesn't just want to be his T'hy'la, he wants to be his best friend. One of the things he was afraid of before they started dating was losing their friendship, whether it be because of rejection or the two of them dating.

They're on shore leave while Scotty fixes a malfunction. Uhura is on a certain date and Spock, oddly, wants to follow her example and do the same. Jim would usually be overjoyed by this, but he doesn't want to. All he wants to do is sit across from Spock at the chess board and talk to him, but he goes along with it.

They spend the night being a couple, holding hands and kissing when no one is watching. It's wonderful, really, Jim loves the feeling. But, he can't shake the sadness he feels for missing out on just talking and being friends with his lover. He believes it's important to maintain both relationships, or both will eventually crumble.

"Why don't we play chess anymore," Jim asks out of the blue on their way back to the ship.

Spock looks surprised and rather shocked, "I suppose it has been awhile since we played...How about we play tomorrow night?"

"We have the mission starting tomorrow. Who knows how long it'll take?"

"Hmm...yes, you are quite right...We'll make time, soon, my love. I promise."

"I miss being friends with you," Jim murmurs into their next kiss.

"We still are friends."

Jim just nods.

...

Jim finds nine yellow roses at his station when their ninth month anniversary comes. For a moment, he realizes just how far the two of come, and when he realizes the meaning behind the flowers, he smiles. "Chess tonight, Mr. Spock," He asks.

"I would be honored."

Happiness and friendship.

...

Jim knows he's sexy. Numerous men and woman have thrown themselves at him over the years. Members of his crew still flirt with him despite knowing of his relationship with Spock. Jim sometimes has trouble controlling his emotions and what comes out of his mouth, he has a lot of issues following orders, sometimes even still lets things from his past get to him. But the one thing that Jim has never had a problem with is his confidence when it comes to his looks.

Until now.

Thinking back, he has never seen a light haired, light eyed Vulcan. There's a reason for that. They don't exist. As far back as he can go, all Vulcan's have been born with black hair and brown eyes. It is what they are attracted to. At least, that's what Jim assumes. Not only are all Vulcan's dark haired and dark eyed, but in all the history of Vulcan's, only a single human has been allowed in the gene pool. Spock's mother also had dark hair and dark brown eyes. Spock had originally chosen Uhura, who again, has dark hair and dark eyes.

Jim stares in the mirror, not admiring himself, but wondering what he would look like if he had dark hair and dark eyes. He can see it, if he focuses hard enough. He tilts his head slightly, _Not too shabby,_ he thinks, but then frowns. No matter how hard he focuses, they won't change by themselves. It is the twenty third century. There are things he can do in order to change them...Hair dye and color contacts were available long before then. Now they had more permanent solutions for someone wanting to change their imagine.

But will he really do it? Permanently change his appearance so Spock will be more attracted to him?

A second later the voice in the back of his mind is whispering, Yes. He will do anything to make Spock happy.

Shore leave is over, and they won't be back to Earth for a while, but Jim knows that one of the planet's they're heading to has the same technology. Though there's is generally used to create how their offspring will look, it is usable to change the appearance of someone already born. Wanting it to be a surprise, he checks for Spock before making the call for the appointment. He doesn't see Spock walk into his quarters and slowly back out again as he realizes what he's doing.

As he closes the conversation, he tries to stop himself from thinking how wrong this really is. And how much he wants to stay the way he is.

...

It's three days before Jim's appointment when their tenth month anniversary arrives. Jim comes to the bridge early. Every time he thinks of the procedure, he feels sick. He isn't able to eat without feeling like he wants to puke, so he just skips breakfast and heads straight to his station. He hopes he'll beat Spock for once, but when he gets there, his anniversary present is already in place, though Spock is mysteriously missing.

He approaches his chair slowly, looking around the bridge for any sign of his lover. As he takes the vase in his hands and stares down at the ten mixed dark red and coal roses, he feels strong arms wrap around his waist. "You're beautiful," Spock whispers, kissing the back of his neck.

They make love against the controls of the station while Spock whispers over and over just how beautiful his Jim is to him.

Unconscious beauty and desire and passion.

...

Spock doesn't understand Jim sometimes.

At first, Jim likes it. The other man never knows what to expect, and Jim likes that he keeps him on his toes. He can't keep himself from grinning when his lover tilts his head, analyzing him when Jim is doing something he thinks is as natural as breathing. Spock even has a journal labeled T'hy'la where he writes all his data and notes in. It's not an experiment, Jim knows, but a way for Spock to better understand Jim. It is at once very pleasing to see him writing in the notebook, but soon he feels as if he just annoys Spock with his human emotions and human behavior. He tries not to, but sometimes he does it without realizing it.

He asks Spock to come to his quarters so they can spend time together. It isn't until Spock is there does he realize he's done it again. Spock is standing at the door, hands clasped behind his back, waiting. He's waiting for Jim to tell him what he asked him there to do. Jim smiles nervously, "Um, I just thought we could chill together."

"Chill together," Spock repeats, still unsure of the meaning despite how many times his lover used to. Bones also uses the phrase, though when the doctor does Jim is practically bouncing off walls and Bones only sounds annoyed. Jim does not sound annoyed, though he can hear an undertone of nervousness. "Doing what, T'hy'la?"

"Anything," Jim says, picking up an old book to read. He always preferred real books over the ones on his PADD. He's read through all the American classics he's collected on the Enterprise, so Spock has lent him the Vulcan ones he has. It is taking longer to read, since his Vulcan is a little rusty, but he's enjoying it.

Spock still doesn't move from the spot at the door, "Do you...wish to read alone?"

"No," Jim shakes his head, only confusing the Vulcan further, "I didn't really ask you to come here so we could do anything together. Just...hang out. Enjoy each other's company."

Spock raises an eyebrow. It seems most illogical to just sit there together doing nothing, but he decides not to mention it. He moves finally from his spot to sit next to Jim on his bed. He picks up his rubrics cube that he's left there the previous day and starts to fiddle with it again. He knows all the moves to get to the desired look, but he still likes to fiddle with it, if only because Jim gave him it.

"You know what we should do," Jim suddenly asks, mirroring a child in a candy store. He doesn't wait for Spock to reply, "We should come up with pet names!"

Spock's eyebrow raises once more, "What sort of pet do you want, Jim?"

Jim looks confused, but then laughs, "Not names for a pet. Pet names for us."

Both eyebrows reach for the ceiling.

"Like...baby and babe are so generic. Those have been cliche since the twenty first century...Hm...Oh, like honey bunny! Or sweetie pie! Or...Vulcey."

"Vulcey," Spock questions slowly, "Jim, you're making up words."

"That's the great things about pet names. They're suppose to be silly and embarrass the person when said in public."

"I do no understand," Spock admits, "Why would be do that to each other? Embarrass each other, I mean."

It's then Jim realizes he's done it again. "They're nicknames," He explains further, wishing he could just drop it. He knows he can't. The Vulcan will not let him until he can grasp the concept. Jim can see him twitching for his notebook. If he had brought it with him he would surely be writing in it.

"But, your name is James. I call you Jim. Is that not a nickname?"

Jim sighs, "Yea, it is. Pet names are just...different." He pauses, trying to find the right words, "Pet names are given to us by people who consider us special. And they're the only person who can call them that."

"I call you T'hy'la."

Jim scrunches his nose, "That's more of a title. Don't get me wrong, Spock, I love when you call me that. It's just," He sighs deeply, "oh, just forget it. I don't mean to bother you with human things."

Spock opens his mouth in order to encourage his love to continue. He does not want him him to feel as if he bothers him. He likes when Jim acts like this, it's just him, and Spock loves him. The way Jim tenses has Spock stopping. He doesn't know what to say to make it better. He settles back into his seat and begins to once again fiddle with his rubrics cube.

...

By now, no matter how he's feeling, Jim looks forward to the roses at his station. He's spent the better half of the week trying to figure out what message Spock will send him this time but can't come with anything. He's running out of rose colors, so there can't be too many possibilities. The low number of possibilities doesn't help him. Nothing he can think of feels right.

He can see the blue rose from the doorway and feels his heart start to beat faster. He swallows hard, the first word coming to mind being impossible, but he forces himself to move to his chair and ignore the looks from his crew. Spock is staring at him, he can feel it. Part of him wants to scream, but then he turns his chair over and any ill feeling he feels quickly washes away.

Eleven mixed blue and purple roses meet his eyes, and the moment the meaning of purple clicks in his mind, he suddenly remembers the other meaning of blue roses. Spock is suddenly behind him, hands resting gently on his hip.

"Vulcey," Jim whispers, turning to look at him. Spock is caught in his gaze, the bright blue eyes shining brighter than anything he's ever seen.

"Starlight," He whispers back.

Enchanted and mystery.

...

Jim is excited. His and Spock's one year anniversary is approaching. It's the longest relationship either one has had, his second longest only lasting a whooping six weeks, and Spock's with Uhura lasting a little less than six months. For once, Jim doesn't have any ill feelings about what's to come. Things have finally settled down and Jim only sees up for the two of them.

Jim's mood has never slipped so fast as it did when Spock comes rushing into the bridge for their shift. He is later than usual, but no one has thought much of it until the hybrid is panting heavily at the door. "Spock," Jim screams before he can stop himself. He's rushes to his love, who just grips his shoulders tightly, "My father has called. T'Pasl has gone into labor."

"What," Jim asks, confused, "She isn't due for another month."

"Something went wrong," Spock tells him, his grip tightening, "The doctors say she or the baby could die during birth."

Jim wants to hug him, embrace him and hold him as tight and as long as physically possible. Instead he grabs his shoulders and squeezes tightly before turning away and towards the rest of his crew. "Set a course for Vulcan II," He tells them, as he walks back to his chair to speak into his communicator system. "Captain to Scotty," He only has to wait a couple seconds before the engineer responds.

"Aye, Captain, what is it?"

"Remember those...modifications we were discussing. The ones that aren't exactly regulation."

"Aye..."

"I take full responsibility."

"Aye, aye, Captain!"

Spock opens his mouth to protest, knowing how much trouble he can get in if anyone finds out. Jim glances at him and it's the determination in his eyes that keeps Spock from saying anything. He sits himself down at his station, too concerned for his baby brother, and even his stepmother, to be worried about how the other's would perceive his actions.

Scotty comes through, and Spock makes a mental note to thank him as he and Jim power walk from the bridge before breaking into a full out run to the transporters. They hold hands as they're beamed down, breaking apart again as they rush for the hospital they saw one of the previous times they had been there. When T'Pasl's family sees them, her sister stands, bowing slightly at them. Jim can tell that, if Vulcan's were capable of crying, she would be in tears. Her husband explains the situation to them, and Spock can feel his own heart ache in his side.

There was a fight between the same two from one of their past visits. Their usually harmless fights proved fatal when one of the Vulcan men shoved the other. The second lost his footing and rammed into T'Pasl. She was unable to grab onto anything and fell. Her pelvis was punctured against a jagged rock, which, might not have done much damage to a human fetus, but because Vulcan woman carry their babies lower than humans, it punctured the womb at a vital point. T'Pasl had lost a lot of blood and the doctor's are preforming an emergency C- section to the injured baby.

Men usually did not accompany their mates when it comes to birth, but they tell them that Sarek is in the room with her. Spock does his best to cover his emotions. While it's obvious that T'Pasl's sister and brother - in - law are concerned, the two maintain their composure well. Jim is freaking out, twitching in his chair. He feels helpless. He is a hero to the universe, youngest Captain in Starfleet but he is still unable to do anything to help. It is driving him mad.

"It's okay to be scared," He whispers to Spock.

"That would be most illogical. It would help the situation none."

Jim sighs, but does not argue. He wants to smack some sense into his Vulcan love but does not wish to repeat their last visit. The four are in the waiting room for three more hours before Sarek emerges from the sealed off room. He looks tired, but his eyes flash of happiness and everyone knows that everything is fine.

Later the couple goes out and eats with T'Pasl's family while Sarek and T'Pasl visit each other. The dinner is mostly silent. It bothers Jim, but he doesn't say anything to break it. He feels awkward eating fruits he can pick up with his fingernails with a fork, but he knows it is the Vulcan way. He does not want to disgust Spock's new family.

"I was wary of your father at first," Spock's aunt says, "but he grew on me. I think they made a very logical choice."

"Don't they love each other," Jim asks before he can stop himself.

The Vulcan couple looks confused, but then smiles, "Of course they do," She responds, "but that is not why they bonded. It was for the good of Vulcan."

Jim's hand tightens around his fork on instinct, but he says nothing about it. "When was the wedding? When Spock and I had heard, the baby had already been conceived."

"I believe you had...'just missed it'," The husband explained.

"They didn't prepare?"

"T'hy'la," Spock says, "Vulcan's do have have weddings like people on earth. We are bonded, technically we are married. That is as far as it goes for Vulcan's. To have a wedding would be...illogical. Irrelevant."

"It's showing everyone that you love each other and commit to each other," Jim begins, "How is that irrelevant and illogical?" He knows that the two have been 'married' for some time, but he always figured they would actually have a wedding and invite everyone they knew.

Spock pauses before speaking, "Vulcan's do not require such a show. It is why we do not wear rings. It is also illogical."

Jim simply cannot believe what he is hearing, but at the same time, he can. Bonding is a Vulcan's way of saying forever, and a wedding is a humans. His mother always talked about how happy she and his father was on their wedding day. "So...you don't want to get married one day?"

"I don't see the logic in doing such a thing," Spock tells him, and then upon seeing the frown on his love's face, "What is the matter, Jim?"

"Sometimes you scare me when you cling to tightly to traditions," Jim tells him honestly, "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."

And with that he walks off, leaving three very confused Vulcan's in his wake.

...

It's their one year anniversary, and Jim is determined to push all problems aside for the day. Sadly, he can't give them both the day off, as many members of the crew has suddenly fallen ill. _Oh well,_ he thinks,_ as long as we're together._

Jim practically skips down the hall towards the bridge where he knows Spock already is. The Vulcan always disappears in the morning of their month anniversaries in order to place the roses at his station. He wonders if it'll be something different, as it is their one year and not some random month. He has something set up for Spock as well. Occasionally, he has thought it wise to get Spock something for their month anniversaries, especially after the first couple months went by and Spock made no indication to stop.

He never did, only because he knows that Spock isn't giving him the roses because he feels like had to, or even to really celebrate their time together. It is to tell him how he is feeling when Spock can''t conjure the words himself. Jim is determined to show Spock how much that means to him after their shift. He has the romantic dinner all set up, including the candles, Vulcan music, a complete vegetarian dinner ready to be replicated, and both alcohol and chocolate - though not enough to actually get either one drunk - and of course, the bed.

When he reaches the bridge, he tells everyone good morning, blue eyes bright and grin wide. No one meets his eyes. They barely look up at him from their work. Jim feels as if something is off. How could anyone be working if their shift hasn't even started yet?

It's then his eyes find Spock, who strangely won't look at him either. He wants to ask what's wrong with everyone when his eyes catch sight of the roses in his chair. He slowly walks over to them, feeling more and more numb with each step. As he picks the vase up, staring at the dozen black roses, he feels himself tear up. No...How can Spock leave him? He is suppose to be his T'hy'la, his best friend! He's suppose to love him forever...How can this be happening? And on their one year anniversary at that.

He feels strong arms wrap around his waist, and then Spock is whispering, "Please, T'hy'la, my starlight, do not by upset," so softly in his ear that Jim presses back into him without thinking. He grabs his hand in an attempt to escape, fury running through him. How dare he? How dare he break up with him on their one year anniversary? In front of all their friends and co - workers!

It's a combination of Spock's loving voice and the fact that the Vulcan is stronger that has Jim listening to him.

"You said you were scared at how much I relied on traditions," Spock whispers almost silently, "I want to make it up to you. Please face me."

He does, and Spock wipes the single tear that escapes with his thumb.

"It is hard," Spock admits, "to abandon everything that you have been raised to learn. Forgive me for not understanding your concern before."

Jim is focusing on his face, unable to tear his eyes away from the chocolate orbs in front of him. He can feel the Vulcan slip his hand into his pocket and then slowly back out. When he brings his hand to eye level, he's holding a black velvet ring box.

"We are bonded," He continues, "and while it is against my raising, I wish to take that further. I wish to give new meaning to these roses."

Jim can't breath. He can feel everyone's eyes on him but he still can't stop staring at his love. "W-what?"

Spock gets down on one knee as he opens the box, revealing a simple silver band, "Til death do us part."

* * *

><p><em>(AN) Wow, still here! Awesome! _

_I know it's majorly long. I hope you all liked it. I wanna write more Spirk stories so I would love some feedback on how I did. I actually have some ideas that I'd love to get started. _

_Well, anywho, once again, I hope you all liked the story. Thanks again for reading._

_With Love,_

_Kitty!_


End file.
